


Inevitable

by YamiTami



Category: Problem Sleuth (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Mobsterswitch, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M, alternate self shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-22
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-16 19:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiTami/pseuds/YamiTami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once they got to the point where Sleuth, Scoff, and Dame could be in the same room without weapons being drawn and lives being threatened, it was inevitable that it would happen eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the fantastic [Problem Crew](http://problemcrew.tumblr.com/) adventure run by the magnificently talented [Selan Pike](http://selanpike.tumblr.com/).

Hysterical Dame never felt ashamed about the little electric thrill she felt when Peccant Scofflaw was leaning over her. It was impossible _not_ to feel some attraction to the raving psychopath. She’d spent a lot of time getting well acquainted with that body, the version belonging to Problem Sleuth of course, and because of that she had developed certain conditioned responses to those smirking lips and smooth voice. That initial little flutter was the extent of it, though. Scofflaw might look like Sleuth and there were even a few shared mannerisms, but it was all shallow window dressing. Scoff was hot, sure, but he was not the type of guy Dame would ever fall in love with.

The first time the three of them were in the same space Scoff slid around behind Dame doing his oily version of smooth as he compared and contrasted her to his Doxy or Dimwit or whatever he called her. Dame wasn’t expecting the alternate PS to suddenly be in her personal space, and when she felt his words ghosting across her cheek she felt her own breath hitch in response. That lasted all of a second and then her head caught up with her hormones, reminding her that Scofflaw did not deserve to become acquainted with her sultry lipstick and instead needed to become acquainted with her murderous lipstick. 

Sleuth noticed. _Of course_ , Sleuth noticed. As inflated as his ego was sometimes—Dame had no trouble imagining how her boyfriend’s alternate self turned into such a massively huge douchebag—Sleuth really was an excellent detective. As soon as Scoff was outside of her striking distance Dame glanced over and was met with a subtle mix of confusion, disbelief, and kicked puppy which said ‘ _what no how could you_ ’. She returned an exasperated raised eyebrow which said ‘ _come on dumbass it’s not hard to figure out_ ’. Sleuth finished the silent conversation with a slight shrug and quirk of his lips which said ‘ _yeah okay I get it_ ’. The whole exchange was over in a couple seconds, because they knew each other that well. In spite of the danger posed by having Scofflaw in the same universe, let alone room, Dame felt a rush of pleased smugness over the state of her romantic life. However rocky it was at times, she and Sleuth were unbreakable.

Then a bunch of exceptionally weird shit happened, which is really saying something because when a girl’s name is Hysterical Dame her tolerance for weird shit is exceptionally high. The fact that Team Sleuth and the Midnight Crew teamed up was already straining her ability to suspend disbelief, but then the already unlikely alliance gained none other than the Twilight Scoundrels. That was a whole long song and dance which Dame would have rather avoided, but sometimes those are the breaks. After a number of puzzles, shadow attacks, and one instance of _Hearts Boxcars_ donning Dame’s scale bodice and _Peccant Scofflaw_ lacing into Broad’s aspect corset, they all found themselves in the baffling position of mostly almost trusting each other.

Dame resolutely decided that the second it looked like The Felt were getting in on this action she was grabbing her hat and running for the hills.

Of course, once the semi-trust had been established as a thing that was happening it really was inevitable. Once it was possible for Dame, Sleuth, and Scofflaw to be in the same space without weapons being drawn well then _of course_ certain thoughts were going to pass through their minds. Dame and Sleuth had their special connection and for all the disparities Scoff wasn’t so different.

It pretty much _had_ to happen.

“Don’t think I won’t be watching your hands, asshole,” Sleuth told his counterpart. The menacing tone was somewhat undermined by the fact that he was already getting a bit breathless. Scoff’s hands were, that that particular moment, creeping inside the lacy cups of Dame’s bra. She squirmed, her boyfriend pressed flush against her back with his fingertips skirting the edge of her panties the way he knew drove her crazy and her boyfriend’s lookalike standing in front of her thumbing her nipples and leaning in to suck on her earlobe. The wet sensation was nice, though it wasn’t what she usually went for, and Sleuth shoved the other man back so he could nip at that spot on her neck just below her ear in that way that drove her crazy.

“Watch your own hands,” Scoff shot back. He sounded distracted and an annoyed frown creased his brow. Dame rolled her eyes; she knew what was going on. How could she not? Just as it was inevitable that it would happen it was inevitable how it would go: The two men would compete over who could make her moan the loudest. Scoff was irked because he was losing due to Sleuth’s unfair advantage of familiarity. The shadowy mobster was a quick study, however, so that gap was shrinking fast.

Dame smirked to herself as she groped Scofflaw and ground back into Sleuth’s crotch in an impressively choreographed double pronged attack, earning a pair of crossed eyes and a moan muffled in the back of her neck. They both started pawing at her with increased urgency. Whichever one of them came out on top, she was the one who would come out the winner.


End file.
